Social anxiety triggers #2

Seeing people I know in public.

Social anxiety triggers #1

Going to crowded malls or crowded places in general.

FIFTEEN YEARS OLD

HELLO!

I AM FINALLY FIFTEEN!!!!!
*insert birthday horn noise*

Yeah, yesterday was my birthday and I had probably the best day of my life since a year.

This birthday, I have decided to:

• Leave behind my 'sad' self from March 2016 and smile when I'm happy

• Be myself and crack my lame jokes because I realised that my 'lame' is actually others' 'funny'

• I know I told myself the same thing last year too and ended up being terrible at it, but worry less about what others think. I heard this quote from 'fantastic beasts and where to find them' it's pretty famous so if you don't know it, I'm in awe but it goes: worrying means you suffer twice. So this year I'm going to try to live by that.

• what's the point of these anyways. I'll do things depending on my instincts.

Oh, and I had a beautiful birthday which I'm so thankful for. I'm absolutely grateful for such nice people in my life. So, shoutout to:

• Sierra: I love you, you amazing person who's gone through so much without telling anyone. You're so tough and thankyou so much for doing all the things that you've done for me.

• Affinity: (yeah, I know, cool fake name) but thankyou so much for just listening. You know almost all my secrets and I don't think I'd trust anyone more than you. You tolerate my weirdness and act as if everything I say is normal, and just... just... thanks.

• Andrea: I just want to say thankyou for all the amazing memories you gave me, you sexy beast. All our inside jokes seem to make me laugh, no matter how sad I am and standing next to you makes me look short, so that's basically the only reason why you're my friend.
Oh, and you help me get guys. Well, not exactly 'get' but they atleast glance in my direction.

• Annabeth: thank you for staying by my side for this entire year and I think you are so under appreciated for listening to my rants. I mean, even my own mother ('sup mum, I'm sorry) told me that my rants are boring and you manage to listen to them everyday without ANY complaints.  I am so sorry for all my dumb speeches and thankyou.

And I definitely am not going to forget my family for their amazing gift and party but I'm sleepy, so just quick shout out to mum, dad and sistah.

And if you were wondering about what my friends did, here it is:

I was sad as my exams are about to begin and I'm not ashamed to say that me and my friends are giant nerds and a party before exams is the last thing we need so we decided to not have a party. So, I was returning to the corridor after gym when these dumbasses run ino the corridor with a huge cake and a song and hugs and gifts and cards and an awestruck me. I love these people and words cannot express how happy I was because I hate surprise parties as they giveme anxiety but these idiots did it in the subtle-est manner possible and I felt so loved because I never have things like this happen to me and just Ah- the 500 minute hug each of you gave me. Just- just.

I <3 my dumb dorks.

And then when I came home from school my cray-cray fam gave me a lit party. Which was subtle too and raised my moods and I love my family so much. Thanks for the watch.

I <3 my weird fam.

I'm so thankful for y'all.

My sis just made me hot chocolate so byeee.

Martian grandchild.

HEY YOU!

I was just reading the newspaper today (yes, I do that. Not on my phone, on ACTUAL paper) and I read an article that caught my attention. It said "your grandchildren could be martians" and I got a little too excited.

But what if that actually happened? I'm quite jealous of my grandchildren.

But could you imagine that? Like, instead of living on Earth,  you'd be on mars. I don't know how it works, but I'm guessing that there wouldn't be much greenery anywhere and that's kinda sad but imagine having red everywhere. Life would actually be Britney Spears' '..oops I did it again' music video.

I asked my sister (who happens to be sitting next to me) about her opinions on being a Martian and she's not quite impressed.

Okay, grandchildren, if you happen to read this, my advice to you is: GO. GO. GO. And also: take my coffin with my rotting body with you. 99 years of bad luck if you don't.

But in all seriousness, living on mars would be so cool. I haven't gone outside Europe and Asia yet, but I'm already bored of Earth.

I think life is too short. I mean, you have your youth where you can be crazy for 25 years and out of that, 18 should be spent doing what others tell you to do, and the rest 7 can be spent with you taking risks but still building up and the rest 50 years should be spent taking care of serious things.

I wish humans had a life span of 200 years so that maybe I could live on mars.

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I just realised I posted 2 posts today. That's a record!

Sorry for not doing my writing challenge.

MASSIVE FAILURE.

Wow!

I really enjoyed completing my 21-day writing challenge.

And I do have some reasons for my absence of punctuality.

• I had to plan some things for an event. And if you read my blogs regularly,  you know that I love planning things.

• I had to do some shopping for myself. And here's a random fact about me: I HATE SHOPPING.

• I was too busy watching random videos on the internet continuously for an entire day.

• I kid you not, I actually forgot about my challenge. It was yesterday night in my sleep that I remembered about this challenge I had taken.

• I don't even know why I took this challenge. Last time I checked, I was the absolute worst at challenges.

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I realised something this month: being myself and expressing all my opinions actually help me mak more friends than acting 'normal'.

Now don't get me wrong. I am NOT shy. I am the kinda outgoing child. And I always have been. But this new academic year, I decided to just act normal, like a good student. And that was probably the worst decision I've ever made. I'm not going to go deep into what others' reaction were, but it wasn't nice. They thought of me as someone I'm not.

I have a case of RBF (kindly Google it if you don't know what it means) so, it always ends up that people judge me wrongly in the first place. But adding my more serious ways of talking made others think even worse of me. So, a few days ago, I decided to be myself and say everything that comes to my mind. And surprisingly, my mates actually laughed and told me that they like me. (Ofc my socially anxious self won't believe that, but whatever)

So if you want to learn something from this post, may it be that never feel the need to hide your true self. Even if it is a little uptight. And if others don't like your true self, that's their problem and not yours.
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I hope this isn't my last post of February 2017.

Ten Interesting facts about myself.

Hey!

Woohoo! It's day 2 of my 21-day writing challenge.

(I'm kinda late)

This blog post is just something random. I decided to write ten facts about myself. You know,  just so that you can know me better. To be honest, I really don't know why you are actually reading this post. I am the boring-est person alive. Like, I'm very serious. So, just a heads-up: like me, this post, too, will be pretty boring.

P.S: these are just less boring facts about me.

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1) I am scared of spiders, darkness, pigeons, dancing, being alone in a social situation and huge crowds.

2) I do not have a middle name. Neither do I have a nickname. I am extremely jealous of people who have either.

3) I am 5"6 and weigh 95 lbs. Yes, I am quite thin (size 2) and I am also very uncomfortable when I discuss my weight because some people assume that I starve myself. A lot of people also ask me to model, but those people don't know that you need a good face, too.

4) I went to study music... twice. Once when I was six. I stopped within a year because I was too lazy. Then I started again when I was nine. I stopped it when I was thirteen though.

5) Despite having studied music, I am the worst at it and can hurt people by producing noise.

6) I am the best when it comes to making friends. But, only with old people. Ironically,  I am terrible at making friends with people my age.

7) I have never gone to a concert. And I have my reasons. Firstly, my social anxiety won't let me. Secondly,  my parents won't let me. I do want to go to one, though. Maybe when I'm older.

8) I'm fluent in quite a lot of languages. I can speak 4 languages fluently and just understand 2.

9) My first language is not English, anddue to my anonymity, I'm not going to say what it is, but, it is my most favourite language and the one I'm most fluent in.

10) I'm talented in most areas; I can sing (somewhat), run quite fast, speak in public, draw, write, read, cycle, swim, quiz, spell, and do a lot of things. The only problem is that I am not extremely good at anything. I am multi talented, but only a tad bit.
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My earliest memory.

My earliest memory probably has to be of when I was about four or five years old....

I was with my dad. He had taken me with him to work. My dad works with boats and he had parked the car with me in it near the docks. I don't remember it very clearly but I think there was water behind me. My dad stopped the car to meet up with his friend, who came and talked to me, and later, my dad left me in the car alone, as his friend asked him to check something, after giving me clear instructions not to move about in the car.

Unfortunately, he forgot to buckle me up.

And if you think I actually listened to him, oh, you are so wrong.

Me, being my nosy self, saw something in the driver's seat and decide to move from the passenger seat in the back to the front, accidentally kicking the hand gear, which ended up in the car rolling down backwards, to the water. Yes, I'm serious. If this had happened now, I probably would have died due to an extreme panic attack, but young me didn't know the dangers of a car in water. I, thinking that the car would end up being a submarine, kept my hands on the steering wheel and was extremely excited as I was going on an adventure.

Some guys who were standing there saw me in the car and called for my dad who saw me and, in full superhero style, ran towards me, opened the unlocked door, and fixed the hand gear, after which he, in a very un-movie manner where he should have hugged me and called me his life, scolded me for being very naughty. The earlier mentioned friend followed my dad and gave me another round of scolding. (Thanks, bruh)

Another early memory I just remembered of is that of my mum humming tunes to me with hopes tht I sleep at night, cradling me in her hands.  :')

Aah.... the nostalgia.

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Hey you! so, I ended up writing this as I'm kind of taking this 'writing challenge' which I ended up seeing when I was just scrolling through pinterest. I would've written it in my journal,  but I decided to write it here instead.  Oh, and I'm not going to be writing for 30 days, just 21. And in case I fail, I blame the tests I have going on. And sorry for any grammar mistakes.  I'm writing this at 3 in the morning, please have some pity on me, after all I had a terrible maths test today.