Thursday, 12 January 2017

Still the same.

You see.... I wasn't originally going to write a new blog post today. But, I ended up getting SO MANY signs forcing me to make one:
1) Joey Graceffa kept repeating the word 'iridescent' in his vlogs  and I couldn't help but feel guilty for not having posted anything.
2) I was travelling with my family during winter holidays and I saw some diesel spilt on the floor in daylight, forming an iridescent layer above it.
3) I was reading 'Paper Towns' by John Green yesterday night (I know I am the last person on Earth to read it, but I think I like reading the classics of yore rather than the classics of tomorrow) [also, I felt like it quenched a thirst going on for about a month since winter break ended *looks accusingly at the person who decided to keep the tests RIGHT AFTER winter holidays, making me simultaneously freak out with panic attacks in the middle of the night, feeling like I should start learning while not wanting to learn 'because it's winter holidays' therefore being the reason behind my poor performance*] and I believe I read 'iridescent' somewhere, making me feel terrible for neglecting this thing.
4) I decide to have a nice, calm bath in the evening and while enjoying myself, listening to calm songs, and calmly blowing bubbles from soap, I saw some iridescence on the bubbles, thus making my calm bath not-so-calm and leading me here, in my room with some fries and my laptop, typing stuff.

Yeah, let's get into the topic.

Do any of you suffer from a 'sleep hangover' ?
It's a term I made up, probably not, but yeah, I'll explain:

Sleep Hangover (n) : a word used to explain the feeling of being hungover, except that you didn't get drunk, you get it from taking a nap which leads to you waking up, without being able to differentiate between real-life and dreams thus making you all confused and hungover.
Usage: Bro, I can't get over my sleep hangover. Google remedies for me.

If you actually managed to understand that, congrats,  you are a genius!

So, a few days ago, when all my tests got over, I decided to take a nap after ages, due to the tests I had, and when I woke up, I got sleep hungover and my mum forced me to take a shower to get over my sleepy-headedness. As I headed into the shower, still hungover, I realised that the water was too cold so I kept it running to make it a little warm. And as I stood there waiting, I was thinking about school and stuff when I saw a tiny insect, smaller than an ant, crawling up the wall. Feeling really warmed and all 'aww' after seeing it, I said "hello, little baby" and tried to pick it up. Only, instead of picking it up, I ended up smashing it onto the wall with my thumb. ALL DUE TO MY STUPID SLEEP HANGOVER. And still being hungover, I picked up the dead body of little Jace nd started crying.  No, not the little "Oh, no! I killed it." No, no. I was FULL ON ugly-crying while saying "Sorry, Jace. I'm so sorry,  I loved you." Then, I moved on and after taking the shower, I realised what I did. And I remembered something else.

When I was about five, a huge moth had flown into a hotel room I was staying in, with my family,  and I was so terrified, I kept running away from it. And the moth kept flying towards me. Being absolutely horrified, I was now running in circles while swaying my hand, (while my parents and siblings stood beside me, laughing. A+ parenting, everyone)  so that it would know to stay away when I did it. I accidentally hit it, throwing it on the floor and killing it. I was happy for a moment.  I felt victorious, like I had won a war. But then, my parents said: Oh, no! You killed it! It only wanted to play with you, Oh, no!!!

And I felt like a murderer who just realised that he killed someone. I felt so bad that I went into a phase of depression for about a week. I cried and told my mum that I wanted to bring the butterfly back to life, just so I could play with it. To be completely honest, I still feel guilty.

Yeah, great! So, why are you telling this to me?

I realised then that no one ever really changes. I reacted kinda the same way to the death of an insect both at four and fourteen. Sure, their feelings and opinions might change, but there's definitely a side to a person that still enjoys the same things they did before, that still feels the same empathy, and the same pain. Yes, people change; but they don't change.


(I just realised that this is my first post of 2017)

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