Uninspired

Recently, I've been lacking motivation.

I am a voracious writer. And I love it. I love writing stories, experiences, or even just my feelings. I also love showing them to my family and friends and getting their criticism ((although most of them never really have the time to do that or if they have the time, I'll be too shy to show my creative side to them))

But recently I've been lacking motivation to write.

And no, it's not me being lazy. It's me being afraid. "What if I read it after writing and hate it?" "What if no one likes it?" "What if the format is too shabby and unorganised?" And the most common one: "What if I get made fun of or it?"

I am a total stranger to myself. I am not open even to myself. I don't know what or who I am. I don't know what type of a person I am. This results in me judging myself too often. If I write something and I myself cringe at it, I over think the situation. "What if I had actually shown this to someone else before reviewing it myself? Sheesh. I would have been so embarrassed.  They would have gone and told the entire universe about my cringey writing." And this makes me give up writing for days. Sometimes weeks and sometimes months.

And right now, I'm in a situation like that. It was not my story that made me cringe; it was a poem. And I'll tell you. It was horrible.
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What has been happening in my life?

▪ My friend's birthday is coming up. WOOHOOO! No, she doesn't know about my secret space on the internet. Some of my other friends and I are planning on throwing her a secret picnic party next weekend. So, maybe expect some tips or d.i.y ideas for a good picnic. I love organising things and planning on the little details. It just fills me up with such joy. And as a result my pinterest is filled with picnic ideas and I am loving it! (can you say?)

▪some songs I've been loving:
Love me or leave me (little mix) - I am ashamed of myself for not knowing this song earlier. Perrie's vocal in the song is- aah! Soo beautiful.
Ain't your mama (Jennifer Lopez)- my sister and I have been jammin' for the past few weeks to this song and we're not tired. Yet.
Girlfriend (Avril Lavigne)- I love to listen to this song whenever I'm feeling down and it always seems to lift me up.
Yeah, I know all these songs are old, but I seem to like songs after listening to them for a long time; I take time to like things.

Wow! I'm sleepy. Let me go take a nap, will you?

BYE!