I apologize again for not uploading. But in my defense, I told you that I don't have a planned schedule. I'm doing this just as a hobby and to have fun. I am really trying to upload regularly but schoolwork is coming in between and I really want to do well this year.
January and February were awesome. I was having an amazing time. I had won many prizes, schoolwork was amazing, I scored really good grades, my social life was also good; I had so much fun with my friends; we went to theme parks and had really great times. Even the weather was cooperating.
Then, during March, spring break arrived. I was convinced that it would be like the previous months and that I would be positive.
But, unfortunately, my predictions were wrong. I ended up losing all the people I kept close to my heart. No, no one died, no one betrayed me or anything. It was like we were separated. Forced to separate. It's true- When the time comes, you have to leave the things close to your heart and be willing to sacrifice certain things. And I did.
And so, everything changed.
I hate change. So, automatically, I hated my new life too.
The purpose of this 'change' was to make my life better but all it became was worse. I used to cry myself to sleep every night. I used to hate my life. My old friends were still there but I still felt alone. I decided to keep all my problems to myself. I went through a 'phase' of depression. I used to get anxious at the smallest things, never get out of my house and I lost interest in everything I did.
Once, to make myself feel better, I went to watch a movie along with my sister and some of our friends that I'm not really close to. But, I felt horrible. While we were in the food court, my sister went to get something and left me alone with her friends for about 5 minutes. But it felt like 5 days. I teared up and was about to burst out crying. No one noticed, thankfully. But I had the worst 5 minutes of my life that day. When I reached home, I locked myself in my room and burst out crying.
I really wanted things to change. I wanted it to go back to the old times- when I was the happiest, most self-confident person anyone met. But I simply couldn't. I spent hours on the internet, trying to find motivational quotes to make myself happier but none of them had any effect on me. I used to stand in front of the mirror, trying to convince myself that I was amazing. These had an effect on me but they lasted only for a few seconds.
I am proud to say that I am recovering. I am slowly seeing myself go back to the old times. And I know that it's slow, but it's happening. I'm slowly gaining my confidence and my happiness back and I just can't wait until I'm fully recovered- until I'm back to the old Crystal.
And too anyone who went/ is going through a similar phase; Don't make the same mistake I did. Please talk to someone you trust. I'm not fully recovered but I've made an improvement. And I'm pretty much the weakest person I know. So, if I can do it, YOU CAN DEFINITELY DO IT!
You go, GURL